Strength

I’ll be the first to admit to wanting to be a superhero when I was a kid. Superman was completely the coolest hero out there! The thing I liked the most about Superman was his super strength. In the eyes of elementary-school Abi, nothing was too difficult for Superman to knock out of his way, and no one was stronger than he was. But, as both my taste in superheroes and my perspective changed as I grew up, I began to realize strength is not defined by how much you can push or throw. As my Hidden Hero showed me, true strength is measured by how many people, especially yourself, you can uplift.

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“Finally you pick up the phone!” I said. “Wow, honestly, it feels like I have to call a million times just to catch you for five minutes!”

I was talking to my Hidden Hero, a good friend who was not good at answering the phone. We had been able to talk for a few minutes here and there, but it had been a while since we were able to have a real chat.

HH replied, “I know, I’m really sorry. If only you knew how busy things were in my life right now, you would understand.”

I take NO excuses, I thought as I polished my black maroon-lined sunglasses. A few months without real conversations is way too long. “Business or not, we need to talk! I’ve got a lot to tell you, and I’m sure you have a lot to tell me too!”

“All right, well you will be happy to know we can talk for hours if you like ,” HH said.

With that invitation we proceeded to talk about everything that had been happening in life. New movies, clothes, and ice cream flavors were our main topics. Our lightweight chatting continued for a little while, but HH said one phrase that immediately anchored it to the ground: “Oh, and I’ve been looking at some colleges, too.”

I felt emptiness in my stomach as I said, “Colleges? Oh yes, college. An amazing experience achieved only by enduring the monstrous application process.” I said uneasily.

“Tell me about it! I have my heart set on only a few schools, but thinking about if my grades or a few essays are not impressive to admissions offices makes me crazy!” HH replied. “I just really hope the schools I am aiming for see how badly I want to go there.”

“I’m sure they will,” I said, “but I understand what you mean. But don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll both be happy wherever we end up.” I sure HOPE we will be. “Let’s change the subject. What has been new with you?

“Not much is new with me,” HH answered me.

“Really? What about your family, how are they doing?”

“Oh well, my grandparents aren’t doing too well. They are actually in the hospital right now both caught a really serious infection.”

Oh, that’s too bad, I thought, thinking about the numerous sweet treats and affection I received from those grandparents. “I’m sorry, I really hope they feel better. Well, how are your friends? Everything is drama-free, right?”

HH hesitated a bit before saying, “I’ve actually lost a few friends this year.”

Gossip strikes again, I thought. “Don’t worry, HH, if they aren’t trustworthy, they aren’t worth your time.”

“Not like that, I mean that some people I know have passed away. In fact, last month I attended a memorial service for one of my friends,” HH said quietly.

Oh my goodness. HH’s friends have died. Overcome with sadness for them, all I could say was, “I truly am sorry to hear about that. I can’t even imagine how you must feel. How are you dealing with this?”

HH replied, “It has been pretty difficult, but I’m learning to live with it. Their experiences have taught me to love and value my life, and I plan to live it to the fullest.”

Well said, I thought. “I’m sure that’s what they would have wanted. But are you sure you are ok? I mean, just a few minutes ago we were freaking out about college, but you seem to be handling this so well,” I said.

“I know I probably should be depressed or angry, but I know I have to push through these hard times and keep living my life,” HH responded.

Of all our conversations, this one taught me the most about my friend. I saw HH’s sensibility, courage, and strength. To be able to handle those hardships and deal with the growing pains of being a teenager demonstrated a real strength of will of which even Superman would be jealous.

Lesson Learned: Strength is internal. You may be able to move buildings like Superman can, but if you lack a strong character, you are truly weak. It may be difficult to face life’s problems with courage and strength, but in doing so, you will be securing yourself in who you are and what you are really made of. All issues, average or Superman-sized, can be handled with a bit of courage and internal strength. J

“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” Mahatma Gandhi

Awareness

A young person in today’s world can afford the luxury of being ignorant of their environment. With our cellphones, televisions, and relatively comfortable lives at home and school, we are never really forced to look at anything except what is immediately around us. I too have indulged myself in being totally focused on my life, without any thought for how life may be for less fortunate people. But those thoughts began to invade my ignorance thanks to an Expert Exposer’s efforts.

Math homework, then I’ve got to practice piano, then eat dinner, then…. My thoughts were an unending stream cascading into the overflowing ocean that was my head. Wait, when am I going to clean my room?! Ok, I guess I have to move my club meeting to…

“ABI! Are you deaf?” my Expert Exposer asked angrily. “Why aren’t you listening to me?”

Dazed from the mental torrent, I looked up and said, “Sorry, I’ve just got a lot on my mind right now.”

EE took no excuses. “Well, forget about it right now, and hurry up. If we’re going to take a walk, we need to do it before it gets too dark outside.”

It was around six in the evening, so I figured we had at least an hour and a half more of sunlight, so I said, “Ok, let’s go,” and started to walk toward the door. That reminds me, I have to get my books from the car door, and then return them….

“Abi, aren’t you forgetting something?” EE asked, pointing at my feet.

I looked down and saw my feet, clad in a set of old flip flops. Slightly embarrassed, I said, “Oh, right, I’ll go get my tennis shoes.”

I need to clear my head, I thought while I laced my shoes and grabbed my white-rimmed black sunglasses. Otherwise, I might lose it somewhere.

We set out on our walk around the neighborhood but despite the beautiful scenery and fresh air, I could not see beyond the musty confines of my own mind. EE could tell I was still distracted. “All right, Abi, what’s up with you?” EE asked. “It better be something good to keep you from focusing on me!”

EE’s question was opened my mind like a faucet that allowed my thoughts to pour from my mind. My responsibilities, my fears, my worries, my life became the main topics of our walk that evening. I kept talking and EE kept listening while the sun slowly began to set.

As we rounded the corner of the last leg of our walk, EE interrupted me, saying, “Abi is this it?”

Confused by the question, I said, “What do you mean, ‘Is this it,’? This is what I am dealing with right now,” I don’t know what EE was expecting, but these are all the things I live with every day, I thought, becoming a little irritated.

After staring at me for so long I felt like I was being x-rayed, EE said, “Abi, you don’t know how good your life really is.”

“Oh really? Why don’t you tell me since you obviously know my life so well,” I responded.

And EE enlightened me about how good my life is. Not with personal issues, but with the issues EE’s community had dealt with. Poverty, discrimination, and ignorance were just some of the real-life difficulties EE had witnessed. EE continued to expose to me the adversity that both people in my community and those in less fortunate countries, like those in my home continent of Africa, face.

EE concluded by saying, “You really live a life of privilege. You have stability and support that most people can only dream about. Because of the lucky life you lead, you, as a privileged person, have a responsibility to care for those less privileged, Abi. Remember that the next time you become absorbed in your own life.”

Since that day, I have remembered to be aware of the world around me. EE’s frankness taught me to focus less about my own issues and to be aware of the problems other people. Over time, I realized that any problem I had would pale in comparison to those of people in my community, my country, or even my world.

Lesson Learned: Ignorance is NOT Bliss. Empower yourself and become aware of the lives of people around you. Whether it is new students in your school or a community of kids halfway around the world open your eyes to their hopes and dreams, their hardships and their difficulties. Although life is comfortable in your secure little bubble, take a risk and step our into the new environment of awareness and action J.

“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.” James Thurber

Durability

People are like cellphones: if you expose us to the smallest amount of stress, we can’t function. If we don’t stay home and recharge, we don’t last throughout the day. If you bend us against our will, we snap. If you drop us into orange soda…well, you get the point. While there are resilient ones among us, many more seem to forget the importance of staying strong when the when things get tough. I too had forgotten this important quality, until I was enlightened by my Steadfast Survivor.

“I don’t want to worry you” were the first words that came out of my Steadfast Survivor’s mouth.

Setting my yellow fold-up sunglasses on my head, I thought, Well, I know what this means. I’m about to be worried.

“I don’t want to worry you,” SS repeated, “but there is a possibility I may have cancer.”

My sinking despair anchored itself in both my belly and my heart. Cancer?

Submerged in the depths, I vaguely heard SS use medical terminology to describe ways to determine if the cancer was really there and talk about arrangements that could be made to make its removal as painless as possible.

“If it is cancer, I’m planning to go to the best hospital in our area. I’ll try to get the best doctors to do my pre-op procedures and my operation, and I’ll work with family so I’ll have a support system afterward.” SS explained.

Feeling absolute numbness, I said, “Ok.” And in my numbness, that would eventually transform into restrained fear, I realized there was a possibility SS could be gone from my life.

This sudden realization motivated me to ask, “How are you so level-headed about this? You speak about having cancer like it is business, like all you have to do is ask the doctor to take it out, and everyone’s happy after that!” Angry because SS showed no fear, I started to yell. “Why aren’t you emotional?”

When I looked at SS’s face, for an instant, those eyes betrayed worry. But they quickly recovered their stoic appearance, and SS said, “Being emotional isn’t going to make it go away. I have to be strong to face this thing.”

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Time passed from that conversation. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. Uncertainty turned into dreadful assuredness, and doctor’s appointments, medications, surgeries, and at-home nurses became commonplace.

SS, a few days after the surgery, looked like a soldier who had just walked off the battlefield. Exhausted and in pain, SS could barely walk, and could have only short conversations. Yet, even in these dark days, SS maintained strength.

How on earth is this person enduring this situation? I thought. Where is this strength coming from?

After a few weeks of recovery, I asked SS these very questions. SS replied, “I simply had to be strong to survive. I found my strength from God and from my family, and those two sources truly helped me endure. I knew that I had to be strong to beat it.”

It was then, months after our first conversation, that I realized the true importance of being durable in the face of danger. Medicine, advice, and therapy could only do so much; in the battle with cancer, my Steadfast Survivor’s will was the most powerful weapon that could be used.

Lesson Learned: Be resilient, and stay strong during life’s adversities. When faced with sadness or stress, try to find one source that can sustain you, and derive your strength from it. Whether it be God, your family, or even your dreams, use this source to make you durable in times of difficulty. Having internal strength can help you endure far more than you could ever imagine. J

"Fall seven times, stand up eight." -Japanese Proverb

Realism

Ever notice that when something good happens, the whole world seems to brighten up? But if, God forbid, the tables turn on your luck, doesn’t everything world seem to descend into the underworld of unhappiness? Floating on emotions between the heights of happiness and the depths of despair stressed me out to no end. Fortunately, my Alice “Free-From-Wonderland” taught me how to keep my feet planted firmly on the ground.

“Thanks for having us, we had a really good time!” we said to our host. My good friend, Alice Free-From-Wonderland, and I were leaving one of our friend’s birthday party, and we wanted to let her know that we had enjoyed ourselves (and not just because of the unbelievable amazing desserts she served J).

“I’m glad you came!” she responded. “Hopefully we’ll have another chance to hang out (and in our case, pig out J) together.” She waved to us as she returned to the exciting party in her home.

Once we left her house, AFFW and I began to drive all around town, just to hang out and explore. Of course, I had to have some shades if we were cruising the scene, so I glammed our exploration up with my blue denim sunglasses. While we drove around, we talked about everything: school, family, and anything in between. It was like a Dr. Phil catharsis session minus the drama and runny mascara.

After a while (because unfortunately fun only fuels teenagers, not cars), we stopped to get some gas. While AFFW paid and began to pump gas, my mind wandered back to the party, and all the people that had been there.

I’d seen her, and he was there, and….oh, she was there too, I thought. So many people showed up to this party! It might as well have been a class reunion.

When AFFW returned from the gas-pumping adventure, I commented about all the different people who had been at the party. “Any standouts you recognized?” I asked.

Pulling out of the gas station, AFFW said, “Not anyone specifically. My one friend was there…oh, and that other friend I used to play soccer with…and I saw an old ex of mine…”

Hearing the words “old ex” instantly awakened my curiosity. “Oh really? Who was it?”

AFFW began describing the mysterious ex, and I slowly realized this person was a fairly popular, well-liked person. It seems like AFFW would have had a good relationship with that person. I thought. I wonder what went wrong?

With all these thoughts swimming around my head, I decided to ask, “Well, why didn’t it work out? It couldn’t have been unfaithfulness, right? I couldn’t imagine that person doing that to anyone.”

AFFW responded, “No, it wasn’t cheating.”

Searching for reasons, I suggested, “Was it because of friend drama?”

Smiling as if friend drama was not a real issue (although we all know it can be), AFFW explained, “Of course not. Honestly, Abi, our relationship ended because I didn’t want it to become too serious. We’re just in high school, and we may think everything right now, with our friends and relationships, is so important, but realistically, we have our whole future to worry about that stuff.”

And with that morsel of wisdom, AFFW had given me a thought to savor for many days to follow. Those words brought all my worries and concerns down to earth, and helped me distinguish between which issues were just blowing in the breeze and which were firmly rooted in reality.

Lesson Learned: Be realistic about your circumstances. It may seem like this relationship or that exam is the most important thing in life, but remember, it really isn’t. For us high-schoolers, we have an entire future of experiences waiting to shape us. So enjoy yourself, and keep your wildest worries and wants in check with a dose of reality J.

“And you do it by understanding the difference between being a good person and being a perfect person. The first is possible; the second is unrealistic.” Harold Kushner

Positivity

“Keep On Smiling.”; an easy piece of advice to follow when life is easy to handle. But is it possible to keep a grin plastered when school is chaotic, when family is going bonkers, and when nothing seems to be going right? I believed positivity was impossible for any realistic person, until I met a Sensible Smiler that flipped my frown upside down.

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“The Bell is about to go, so everyone pass your tests forward.” For most of my school, this bell marked the end of one class and the start of another. But for me, and thirty other unlucky souls sharing my fate, that ringing was a death knell. We had just been defeated by one of our exams, and we left that classroom dispirited and defeated.

“I have never felt so horribly about a test before” I said to some of my friends. I was surrounded by phrases like, “Yeah, that was ridiculously hard,” and “I hope this test isn’t TOO important to my overall grade,” in agreement with my hopelessness. It was safe to say that we, who had entered our classroom with a healthily-inflated sense of confidence left class thoroughly deflated.

Throughout the rest of my day, I tried to make that exam seem less monstrous than it was. It was not too bad. And I’m sure I got enough right to get a decent grade on the exam. But my confidence was anchored by a gnawing feeling of gloom all day long. I slid on my red aviator sunglasses in an effort to hide my worry, and tried to survive to the end of my day.

As I was walking to the day’s final class, I saw one of my friends who had also endured that painful exam, the Sensible Smiler, doing what was she did best. That smile, one I had scarcely seen on any other of my classmates’ faces, surprised me. I curiously thought, Why on earth is there such a big smile on this kid’s face?

My curiosity got the best of me. “Hey, SS, how’s your day been?”

“It’s been really good!” SS responded.” I’m so glad the day is almost over. Did you want to go get ice cream with me and some friends after school?”

Ice cream? I thought with disbelief. Did SS even come to the depressing exam in class today? “I would, but I’m really bummed about today’s test, and I think I should go home.”

A shadow of worry covered SS’s face (FINALLY!). “Oh yeah, that exam was really tough. I think I might have failed it.”

“Aren’t you worried?” I asked her expectantly.

“Yes, I am. But I think my grade in that class will be OK. Besides, later this semester I have some chances to boost my grade. So, do you want to get some ice cream?”

I was shocked at how SS had flipped such a negative situation into such a positive light. By blending realism with optimism, SS had avoided having my gloomy day. Sensibly smiling, my friend had managed to turn a painful testing experience into a trip to get ice cream.

Lesson Learned: Positivity is not just for people who are already happy, so don’t write it off as such. Try to look for the bright side of difficult experiences (I’m sure there will always be one.) Remember that if life gives you hard exams, make ice cream trips of them J.

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” Winston Churchill

Loyalty

Imagine having to constantly watch your back in fear of being attacked from behind. You cannot trust your surroundings, and you cannot rely on anyone but yourself. What kind of dangerous, uncertain jungle am I describing? My friends, I am describing high school. For the longest time, it seemed to me that politics were more important than friendships among my peers. But luckily for me, a lovely Eye-Opener came along to reveal the beauty of a loyal friend.

I’ve had it, I thought. She is driving me crazy. We don’t talk anymore, she acts way differently from a few months ago, and it is to the point where I just don’t like being around her anymore.

I was suffering from the inevitable friendship issues that spring up throughout high school. One of my closest friends, my amazing Eye-Opener, and I were slowly drifting away from each other. I, who had once enjoyed being attached to her by the hip, was to the point of disjointing my own leg just to get away from her.

I know what I have to do. At lunchtime today, I’ve just got to tell her how I feel. Maybe then she will give me peace, or better yet, leave me alone.

First, second, third, and fourth periods flew by in a blur. As the bell rang for lunch, I realized my mental state was just as blurry as my day. In an effort to clear the mental cloudiness, I took a deep breath, slid on my cool blue sunglasses, and headed out to lunchtime.

As I approached the lunch line, I saw EO eating a bag of chips with some friends. Oh dear, this is going to get ugly, I thought.

“Hey, EO, can I talk with you for a second?” I asked her. Luckily, my shades concealed the obvious dread that seemed to be glistening in my eyes.

Sensing that something was the matter, she nervously responded, “Sure, no problem.”

We began to walk around campus, and I decided to just let my feelings flow. “We both have new friends, our interests are changing, and we just don’t act like we used to. As harsh as this may sound, I don’t think we can be friends like we used to be.”

I sensed my Eye-Opener absorbing what I had said. I saw her sadness, I heard her heart break, I could feel her disappointment. After she had digested what I had said, she responded with possibly the sweetest thing I have ever heard: “I understand. If this is how you feel, then I cannot change it. I just want you to know that even if you no longer regard me as your friend, I will always think of you as mine.”

At the moment, I did not think too much of what she had said. But as the weeks went on, I realized in allowing me to remove myself from the tightly bound friendship I was in, she gave me room to grow into myself. She also promised to be there for me if I ever wanted to return to our friendship. (I am happy to say she is now very much in my life, and my inspiration in many ways J)

Lesson Learned: Loyalty is not just a myth in books. It really exists today, in relationships of all kinds. Value your friends that will remain loyal to you despite what you may do to them. And, most importantly, be loyal to those you love.

“I believe that I don’t have to change friends if I understand that friends change.” Unknown

Gratitude

Gratitude is the Best Lens Cleaner J

“Thank you”. Two simple words. Two simple words that express possibly the most common sentiment in any human language. I thought I understood the depth of emotion these two words could convey, but I soon discovered that these two words can mean the world to someone.

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High School had gotten to me. My junior year, chock full of stressful standardized exams and complicated relationships, had effectively freaked me out. Panicking to the point of ridiculousness, I realized I needed to vent to someone who was kind, understanding, and straightforward. That someone was my personal Sweet Treat. ST always was patient with me and offered, if nothing else, a set of ears that were always open to my voice.

One day, ST and I were driving along the freeway, spending quality time together. Donning my classic Browns, I relaxed in the calming presence of ST, and for a while, had been able to suppress my need to talk about my worries. But as our trip progressed, my concerns clouded the crystal-clear lenses of my sunglasses and burst from me in a wave of conversation.

“I’m so concerned! I don’t think I’ll do well in school this year, and I’ve got so many commitments, and I have to finish this, do that….I just have so much to do!!!” To say I was overwhelmed at this point would be the understatement of the century; I simply did not know how to approach all I had going on in my life.

ST, as wise as ever, tempered my panicking with a personal experience. ST had met a young woman who, at my age, was expecting a child. This young woman was facing poverty, a lack of support from her family to continue her education, and the social sting of being a pregnant teen.

ST told me, “My dear, you think you are lost, but you know where you are going. This little girl, she’s the one who is really lost.”

Pondering on what I had just heard, I realized what a blessing it was to be worried about my education, to even have the opportunity to achieve an education. I realized the supportive family members, teachers, even friends like ST from whom I benefited were not necessarily available to everyone. I realized how grateful I should be for my life.

Lesson Learned: Be Grateful. Be thankful for your abilities to read what is on this screen, to understand what it says, and to act upon it in any way you choose. Be appreciative of those in your life who guide and support you. And remember, a sincere “Thank You” to one of your loved ones can truly express your gratitude to them J.

“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears” Anthony Robbins